Accounting Terms for the 21st Century

EBITDAEarnings Before I Tricked The Dumb Auditor
EBITEarnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
CEOChief Embezzlement Officer
CFOCorporate Fraud Officer
NAVNormal Anderson Valuation
EPSEventual Prison Sentence
ROIRape of Investors

BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER What my broker has made me.
"BUY, BUY" A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT Religious guy who talks to God.

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