Thoughts to ponder about Americans
We are a diverse and unique people, but there are some things I just can't explain. What do you think?
- "A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." - Bill Vaughan
- We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.
- Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
- We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".
- We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
- We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
- We whip an enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
- You can get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance.
- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
- We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
- I think it's funny that banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- How many of you leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put your useless junk in the garage?
- Why do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place?
- Does anyone know why we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
- Only in America do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
- Why do drive-up ATM machines have Braille lettering?
- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
- We're supposed to be the most civilized nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces!
- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it!!
- Along the same lines, Americans will order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
- Why are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink?
Back to Jokes Page