Questions to Ponder

  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
  • Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Stop singing and read on .. . . . . . . . . .

  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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