A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.
Definition of Atheism : a non-prophet organization.
Photons have mass!?! I didn't even know they were Catholic.
Since God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die!
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!
Give me some of that old-time Religion! HAIL ZEUS!
In a crisis call for Isis!
Jesus Saves. Passes to Moses. Shoots. HE SCORES!
Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."
If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajitas, cause that's what He's getting tonight.