Celebrity (Mis)Quotes
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    New Additions
  • "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
    -- Woody Allen


  • "My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.
    -- David Steinberg
  • "It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
    -- Sam Levenson


  • "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
    -- Joe E. Lewis


  • "The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
    -- Calvin Trillin


  • "Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
    -- Golda Meir


  • "Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.
    -- Peter Malkin


  • " My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
    -- Benjamin Disraeli


  • "God will pardon me. It's His business.
    -- Heinrich Heine


  • "Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
    -- Sam Goldwyn


  • "Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
    -- Groucho Marx


  • "Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
    -- Mort Sahl


  • Famous Politicians

  • "THE PRESIDENT HAS KEPT ALL OF THE PROMISES HE INTENDED TO KEEP."
    - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"


  • "THE POLICE ARE NOT HERE TO CREATE DISORDER. THEY'RE HERE TO PRESERVE DISORDER."
    - Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention


  • "IF YOU'VE SEEN ONE REDWOOD TREE, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL."
    - Forestry expert Ronald Reagan


  • "TRADITIONALLY, MOST OF AUSTRALIA'S IMPORTS COME FROM OVERSEAS."
    - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery


  • "IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CHICAGO."
    - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


  • "THE STREETS ARE SAFE IN PHILADELPHIA. IT'S ONLY THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE THEM UNSAFE."
    - Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo


  • "THE INTERNET IS A GREAT WAY TO GET ON THE NET."
    - Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole


  • "IT'S LIKE AN ALCATRAZ AROUND MY NECK."
    - Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces


  • "I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE PEOPLE."
    - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


  • "CHINA IS A BIG COUNTRY, INHABITED BY MANY CHINESE."
    - Former French President Charles de Gaulle


  • "THAT LOWDOWN SCOUNDREL DESERVES TO BE KICKED TO DEATH BY A JACKASS, AND I'M JUST THE ONE TO DO IT."
    - A congressional candidate in Texas


  • "THINGS ARE MORE LIKE THEY ARE NOW THAN THEY EVER WERE BEFORE."
    - Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower


  • "IT ISN'T POLLUTION THAT'S HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT. IT'S THE IMPURITIES IN OUR AIR AND WATER THAT ARE DOING IT."
    - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


  • "WHAT A WASTE IT IS TO LOSE ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND IS BEING VERY WASTEFUL. HOW TRUE THAT IS."
    - Former U.S. Vice- President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste."


  • "IF YOU LET THAT SORT OF THING GO ON, YOUR BREAD AND BUTTER WILL BE CUT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FEET."
    - Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin


  • "I LOVE CALIFORNIA. I PRACTICALLY GREW UP IN PHOENIX."
    - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


  • Other Famous People

  • "SMOKING KILLS. AND IF YOU'RE KILLED, YOU'VE LOST A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE."
    - Brooke Shields


  • "IT IS BAD LUCK TO BE SUPERSTITIOUS."
    - Andrew Mathis


  • "THEY'RE MULTIPURPOSE. NOT ONLY DO THEY PUT THE CLIPS ON, BUT THEY TAKE THEM OFF."
    - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.


  • "WE'RE GOING TO TURN THIS TEAM AROUND 360 DEGREES."
    - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks


  • "I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SOME REPORTERS PAWING THROUGH OUR PAPERS. WE ARE THE PRESIDENT."
    - Hillary Clinton comment


  • "A BILLION HERE, A BILLION THERE - SOONER OR LATER IT ADDS UP TO REAL MONEY."
    - Everett Dirksen


  • "I DON'T FEEL WE DID WRONG IN TAKING THIS GREAT COUNTRY AWAY FROM THEM. THERE WERE GREAT NUMBERS OF PEOPLE WHO NEEDED NEW LAND, AND THE INDIANS WERE SELFISHLY TRYING TO KEEP IT FOR THEMSELVES."
    - John Wayne


  • "HALF THIS GAME IS NINETY PERCENT MENTAL."
    - Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark


  • "WITHOUT CENSORSHIP, THINGS CAN GET TERRIBLY CONFUSED IN THE PUBLIC MIND."
    - General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam


  • QUOTES ON THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE
  • "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...."
    - Carl Zwanzig


  • "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
    - Albert Einstein


  • "Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."
    - Unknown


  • "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
    - Rich Cook



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