Just a few rhetorical questions for you to ponder in your spare time .... you could ask the person behind you in the checkout line if you want to have some real fun.
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are weak?
- Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
- Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
- What is the speed of darkness?
- Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
- If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
- If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
- If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
- If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
- Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
- If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
- Can you cry under water?
- What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway.
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
- Sag, you're It.
- Hide and go pee.
- 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
- Kick the bucket
- Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
- Musical recliners.
- Simon says something incoherent.
- Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
- You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
- You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
- You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
- Going! bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend
- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
- When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
- My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.